About two weeks ago when I was standing in the subway waiting for my homeward bound train, my cell phone rang. As I always do, I looked at the caller ID and when I did I saw a number I didn’t recognize. I usually don’t pick up calls from numbers I don’t know but I was bored standing there staring at the tracks just waiting for the train, so I answered it. When I did, I heard a male voice say hello. At that point I had no idea who this person was. He then asked me how my graduation had been. That threw me a bit since my graduation from college had been well over a year ago. I proceeded to tell him that fact and then something about his voice started to ring a bell. I said, “Do you work for WGBH?” He responded, yes he did. Then I knew who he was. This was a man I had talked to in March or April of 2011. For some reason, we never met, but after a year, who could remember exactly why.
That started me thinking, why do people you’ve talked to on dating sites feel that its ok to show up a year or two years later, pick up exactly where the conversation left off and expect to continue on as if we had spoken yesterday? This happens to me quite often. It’s really kinda freaky and all my friends laugh when I say, “guess who I heard from”, since they know when I start off the sentence with that phrase it’s probably going to be someone from the far distant past. And they are usually right, it is someone I may have had a conversation with or in some cases even met who disappeared and then “pop up” like we had been talking continually since our first encounter. I find this to be a real weird online dating dynamic that happens quite often.
They show up usually with no plausible reason for not calling. They expect that I as the lucky recipient of there calling largess should be open to just moving forward. They usually want to meet immediately and as they say, “see where this thing goes.”
I want to know, “who are you people” who think this is an ok behavior? Did you just breakup with someone and you started going through your phone to see whom you might “tap?” Am I supposed to be happy to hear from you because obviously you were really in to me since it took you a year me back? Well I have something for you.
To paraphrase an old Steely Dan song (read and be warned all of you with this type of bad behavior),
“Rikki please lose my number,
You don’t want to call me anymore,
Send it off in a letter to yourself
Rikki please lose my number
It may be the only one you own
You may not use it if you feel lonely
Or even if you’re all alone.
You’ve told yourself you’re not my kind
Cause you don’t even know your own mind
And now you’ve had a change of heart.
So to all those guys out there, who still have my number somewhere in the archives of your dating life, do me a favor. Hit delete and please lose my f’ing number!